Be Nice When Someone Admits a Mistake

By Juanita Ecker

My girlfriend shared with me an incident that happened to her recently. She was running some errands and stopped at Bed, Bath and Beyond in Albany, NY. It was a cold, blustery day and the wind was strong. When my friend opened her car door to go into the store, the wind whipped the door and slammed it into the car next to her. The car happened to be a Mercedes.

My friend also drives a very nice car; it is certainly not a junker! She wondered if she should leave a note with her information, or if she should go back into the store to track down the owner of the Mercedes. She decided to do the latter and asked customer service to make an announcement asking for the owner of that make of car and that license plate number to come to the front of the store.

My friend patiently waited while they paged this person. When a woman arrived at the front of the store, my friend explained what happened and that it was an accident. The woman went crazy. “F—! YOU hit my Mercedes? F—! I can’t believe it,” she hollered. She then snidely asked, “Do you have insurance???”

My friend was furious with this woman’s behavior. My friend replied, “Look, I could have just driven away and you would have discovered the dent yourself!” She had tried to do the right thing by admitting her mistake, but the woman’s reaction almost made her regret doing so.

Translator Etiquette: A Lesson From the Green Jacket Ceremony at the Masters

By Juanita Ecker

My husband and I were glued to the television set on Sunday, the last day of the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, GA. What an exciting game that was!

When it was time for the “presenting of the green jacket” ceremony, three players were present:  the student amateur, Mr. Hideki Matsuyama; last year’s winner, Phil Mickelson; and this year’s winner, Charl Schwartzel. Because Mr. Matsuyama is from Japan, there was an interpreter present to translate what was being said. Jim Nantz, a sportscaster known primarily for his work with CBS Sports, was also present for the ceremony. When Nantz was interacting with Mr. Matsuyama, he made a small etiquette error. When you deal with an interpreter, you speak to the person, not the interpreter. Jim Nantz said to the interpreter, “Tell Mr. Matsuyama we were happy to have him be part of this year’s Masters Golf Tournament.” Instead, he should have looked Mr. Matsuyama in the eye, addressed him by name, and said what he wanted to say. Then, the interpreter would have translated his words as well as the response from Mr. Matsuyama.

When you are dealing with a translator, it’s easy to want to look at the person who speaks English and treat the other person as just a bystander. But the translator, for all his or her hard work, is not the one you need to impress. Therefore it’s important that our words as well as our body language are focused on the individual you are speaking with.

What To Do When a Client is Not Satisfied with Your Training

By Juanita Ecker

An etiquette consultant recently contacted me for some advice on how to handle a difficult situation with a client. After conducting a two-hour training session on customer service skills, she sat down with the client for a debrief meeting. The client pointed out that she had neglected to have his employees hand in a homework assignment she had given them (which she admits). He also expressed disappointment that one of his employees—in fact, the brightest star at the training session—had already forgotten the customer service skills she had learned, and was making mistakes.

The consultant suggested leading a one-on-one session for the employee, but the client declined. She came away from the experience feeling defeated, like she had not made the impact she had hoped.

Of course, we image & etiquette consultants have little control over the expectations our clients have. We can teach the required material, but it’s up to the employees and the company to make sure that they retain the skills we give them. Still, there are some things we can do to help our clients feel like they are getting value from our services.

Give the client responsibility. Ask the client how they will reinforce the material you have provided so that employees can retain the new skills. Are they going to role-play using the skills in a follow-up meeting, or monitor employees’ behavior and give them constructive feedback? Offer suggestions, but emphasize that the company will have to do some follow-up legwork for the information to really stick. It takes 21 days to change an old habit!

Practice makes perfect. Do your part to help the employees implement their new skills by giving your sessions an interactive element. You should have them practice each new skill for themselves through role-play and demonstrations. It’s one thing to hear someone talk about a concept and another to have to follow their tips on the spot. Of course, having each trainee practice will take up more time; instead structure opportunities for the participants to practice in small group settings. Suggest to the client that you need to book a longer training session. (We can’t teach them anything in an hour!) Explain that the company will get more value if you have more time to do interactive role-playing with the employees. And, it allows the participants a chance to assimilate the material.

Being Sensitive in a Time of Crisis

By Juanita Ecker

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried may get laughs for being outrageous and crude when he’s on stage, but nobody was smiling when he tweeted a series of inappropriate jokes making light of the devastating Japanese tsunami and earthquake. His bad taste also cost him his cushy job as the voice of the Aflac duck. Announcing that Gottfried’s controversial statements were “lacking in humor,” Aflac—the top insurer in Japan, mind you—did the right thing and severed ties with the spokesperson. They also donated $1.2 million to the International Red Cross and parlayed the experience into a campaign searching for the company’s next spokesperson.

If Aflac’s actions are a lesson in good PR, Gottfried’s are a lesson in what not to do in a time of crisis. Other people’s misfortunes are not fodder for your so-called witticisms, especially in public and especially if you’re representing a brand. It’s distasteful and is likely to lose you the respect of your peers. Nobody is requiring you to be sympathetic. It’s simply about being sensitive and not kicking someone while they’re down. Remember the old adage: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Respecting Others in a Movie Theater

By Juanita Ecker

I used to love going to the movies. Now, I feel like I’m lucky to get through the opening credits without a cellphone going off or having the back of my seat kicked. And then there are those people who decide to talk over the movie, explaining plot lines to each other and making it impossible for the rest of the theater-goers to follow the action. It’s so distracting! Sometimes I wonder if I should skip the hassle and just rent the movie when it comes out on DVD so my husband and I can watch it at home without the aggravation.

To keep the peace, be mindful of these cinema etiquette pointers.

Show up on time. Don’t wait until the lights have gone down to find a seat. Not only does it interrupt the movie, but it means trampling over the poor audience members who actually bothered to show up on time. And for the sake of others (and yourself—why miss a key scene?), go to the bathroom before you take your seat so you don’t have to get up later.

Snack quietly. It’s one thing to munch on crunchy popcorn during the film. It’s another to bust out a four-course meal that you smuggled into your purse. I also find it distracting when people wait until the film has started to open up plastic-wrapped boxes of candy, which are particularly loud. Unwrap them before the show. Also, take care to avoid spills.

What Bad Sportsmanship Says About You

By Juanita Ecker

A few weeks ago, Tiger Woods spit on the green and was fined $100,000 for bad sportsmanship. Suppose you got fined at work every time you were rude or disrespectful to others. Would you act differently? Would you think twice about your behavior?

When someone makes an etiquette breach at the office, they aren’t benched or issued a heavy fine. They may get a warning from HR, but more than likely it will merit only a so-called passive aggressive note directed at the entire office. Of course, some of this behavior is so irritating to the rest of us that we may wish the offender would get fined or dismissed in some workplace penalty box.

When I conduct business seminars in the corporate world, I’m often privy to the complaints that employees have about their workplace and fellow co-workers. Stolen lunches, disruptive phone calls, poor bathroom etiquette… it may sound petty, but it all stacks up. If you consider how much time we all spend in the office, the slightest nuisance or sign of disrespect can be amplified into a major issue.  

So what actions really get under people’s skin? According to the employees I’ve spoken with, these are some of the most common complaints.

-Taking someone’s food or lunch out of the communal refrigerator. A friend shared with me that someone took her lunch. When she walked around the office, she found a co-worker eating the lunch she had packed that day. Furious, she told this person that since he had taken her lunch he should give her money to buy a replacement meal. The culprit refused. 

-Taking a stapler off of someone’s desk when they are not there and forgetting to return it.  

-Clipping your fingernails at your desk and letting the trimmings fly all over.

-Putting a call on speakerphone when everyone else is trying to work.

Look People in the Eye to Build Rapport

By Juanita Ecker

When I go through the checkout line at a major grocery store in Troy, New York, the cashier will hand me my money and say, “Have a nice day.” The gesture is meaningless. It’s simply an automatic reflex. The cashier doesn’t look me in the eye, smile, or convey any kind of warmth in the transaction. You can tell he or she is just going through the motions of what they have been told to do.

Contrast that situation with this one. There is a Walgreens Drugstore in Lexington, South Carolina that I love to frequent. There is a woman at the register who has a twinkle in her eye and a smile in her heart. Whenever I make a purchase, she hands me my receipt and makes genuine eye contact with me. With a big smile on her face, she says, “Thank you for shopping at Walgreens, come back and see us.” She makes me feel special. Because this woman takes a few moments to acknowledge me, I want to shop at Walgreens whenever I need something they carry. 

That’s the kind of attitude that draws business. Many people would rather spend time at the local greasy spoon diner with friendly, chatty servers than a four-star restaurant with haughty waiters. Our market is flooded with choice, and it’s little differences like these that can sway our vote (and business) as consumers.

What To Do When a Client Cancels

By Juanita Ecker

A few years ago I had a dining etiquette seminar booked with a large corporation. Two weeks before the session, they called me and said, “We want to move the training to two days later than scheduled.” Unfortunately, I was scheduled to travel to New Jersey that day. I asked them if they could pick a time the following week and they replied, “No, the group was only there for that week.” When we realized the dining session wouldn’t take place, the company wanted a full refund.

I told them that I had reserved that date for them and I could not book that date with another client. They couldn’t call two weeks before the session and expect to get a full refund on their deposit. I told them that $500 of their initial deposit was nonrefundable and I would send them a check for the rest. They were furious and saw no reason why I should not refund their entire deposit. Unfortunately, I did not have a clause in the contract to explain what would happen should they cancel. I ended up giving them the full refund on their deposit. It left a bad taste in my mouth and I likely won’t do business with that company again. Lesson learned.

Now, I have a clear explanation in my contract with corporate clients that cover these issues. Here are some things you may want to consider when drafting your corporate contracts. It’s all about protecting your interests!

Cancellation Window. If a client gives you plenty of notice, you may be able to find alternate sessions to make up the loss in income. Still, it’s not a given. I recommend having staggered cancellation windows so that companies have an incentive to let me know as early as possible whether or not they have to cancel. For example, if a client cancels a seminar within 21 days of the event, they will lose a percentage of their deposit. If they cancel within 14 days, the percentage will be more substantial. Consider how long you realistically need to make other arrangements.

Is Your Full Voicemail Sending People the Wrong Message?

By Juanita Ecker

Have you ever called someone’s cell phone and tried to leave a message, only to be told that the mailbox was full? This happened to me the other day. I repeatedly tried to make an appointment with an eye specialist in Columbia, SC. Every time I called, I received a voicemail message. I was annoyed that I never got a real person on the line. Then, when I would try and leave a message, the machine would tell me that the voicemail box was full. I couldn’t even leave a message. It was very frustrating. Here I was making an effort to give this person my business, only to be thwarted.

Though this behavior certainly isn’t limited to doctors’ offices, another woman I know was once told to call her clinic to get the results of an important medical test she’d undergone. Each time she called the voicemail picked up, with no space for a message. It was a week before she finally got through to an actual person, and of course every day was spent agonizing over whether or not her results were fine.

When your voicemail is full, it sends the message that you aren’t available and don’t necessarily want to be. Go away, it suggests, we are too busy to deal with you. Those who want to reach you then have to constantly call in hopes of tracking you down; the most minor matter suddenly becomes a desperate pursuit. Imagine if something truly important came up—how would anyone let you know?

The Art of a Good Thank You Note

By Juanita Ecker

I recently received a thank you note from a friend that I had helped with some business issues. I was touched by the card and kept it. Now, every time I see it I’m reminded of her and our friendship.

I love to receive handwritten thank you notes, yet they seem to be a lost art. These days you’re more likely to receive a hastily dashed-off email, text message, Facebook posting, or even a tweet as a message of thanks than a personal thank you note that shows a true appreciation for your assistance. Some people don’t bother to say thanks at all. To me, that’s unacceptable. If someone took the time to do a good deed or offer help, you can certainly take a moment to write them a tasteful thank you note. To nudge you in the right direction, I’ve compiled some tips for writing thank you notes that shine.

Don’t send an email or a text after a job interview. A friend of mine once hired a woman because she had stood out from the pack by sending a handwritten thank you card with a pretty image on it after the interview; the card was even tacked up on her bulletin board at work. I recommend selecting a card with a beautiful and tasteful photographic print. Bring it with you to the interview, then fill it out—adding any details relevant to your conversation—and drop it in the mailbox immediately after you leave the office. They should receive it the next day.