When You Fly, Don’t Leave Your Manners at Home

By Juanita Ecker

I’ve been traveling quite a bit lately, both for work and pleasure. One thing I can’t help but notice is how many people seem to resort to an almost childlike state. They bang on their tray tables and kick the seat in front of them. They whine and bicker. They show up looking like they just rolled out of bed. They ignore the rules. Few people see flying as a particularly fun experience, but this breakdown in etiquette just makes it all the more unpleasant.

As such, I’ve listed a few basic guidelines for being on your best behavior while traveling. Let’s help put the “friendly” back in the friendly skies!

Be polite to flight attendants and airport staff. Think your job is tough? Imagine dealing with hundreds of irate passengers on a cancelled flight. I have experienced flight issues that have really tried my patience, but I find it’s far more effective to be firm yet polite and respectful (not raising my voice, maintaining eye contact, etc.) rather than flippant or belligerent in these cases. It’s also nice to greet the flight attendants warmly when you board the plane, thank them when you disembark, and be pleasant when they serve you. Acknowledge them with a smile or “thank you,” and the journey will be much more enjoyable.

Respect your fellow passengers. Here are some of my top pet peeves: hogging seats in the airport lounge with bags or coats; kicking my seat; blocking the aisle for an unreasonable amount of time (move into the row and let others pass); moving my luggage without asking permission; reclining your seat just as I’ve lowered my tray table; getting up to use the bathroom during dinner service (if I’m in the aisle seat, where am I supposed to put my tray of food?); hogging the arm rest or leg space; spending a long time in the bathroom, especially when there is a line of people waiting; and going barefoot and putting your feet on my seat or the arm rest.

iPod Etiquette at Work

By Juanita Ecker

It seems like just about everyone owns an iPod or iPhone these days. I’ve gotten used to seeing earbud-wearing strangers tuning out at the coffee shop, bank, and grocery store. I once asked a man for directions and, wondering why he hadn’t turned to acknowledge my question, realized that he was listening to music. It’s irritating and impersonal, but it’s also a part of modern life.

However, that doesn’t mean we can let our manners slip at the workplace. Once upon a time, companies had piped-in music softly humming in the background, or radios tuned to the station most popular with employees. Now it’s becoming increasingly common for workers to supply their own iPod-provided tunes. I can see certain benefits to this practice—many people find that music helps them find a working rhythm, and by listening to their own music it eliminates any debate about whose turn it is to switch the station.

On the other hand, the casual practice can sometimes result in a relaxed attitude about workplace etiquette. Several of my corporate clients have shared with me their complaints about employees abusing their iPod privileges. I’m passing them along to make sure you avoid making the same mistakes!

Singing along to the music. Save it for the shower. Even if you think you have the voice of, say, Adele, your coworkers will be distracted by the noise. Humming, thumping your hands on your desk to keep the beat, and crooning off-key are also big no-nos.

Playing music too loudly. Keep the volume low enough so that it doesn’t reach others’ ears. You can ask your nearest coworker if they can hear your music. If they say yes, turn it down.

Shouting “what?” when someone asks you a question. If your colleagues’ voices are completely tuned out, your music is too loud. Remember, you’re there to work, not to jam out.

The Kindness of Strangers

By Juanita Ecker

A few days ago I was flying from Orlando, Florida to Columbia, South Carolina. When I got to Charlotte, North Carolina to get my connecting flight home, we were told the flight was cancelled. It was 10:45pm. At first the airlines said they would provide ground transportation and we should stand by for further information. After waiting for 30 minutes, the airlines informed us that we would have to spend the night and then take the next available flight out in the morning. I was not about to spend the night in one of those sleazy hotels the airlines put you up in when they cancel your flight. I have done that before and it is not a pleasant experience.

Everyone was trying to decide what to do. I turned to two complete strangers, John and Mary Lou Galloway, and suggested that we rent a car together and drive. I had never met them before and hoped they wouldn’t leave me in a ditch somewhere, but I didn’t see any other option. When I went up to the desk to ask about retrieving my luggage, an older gentleman, Bob Foster, overhead me tell the gate agent that we were renting a car and asked, “Can I ride too?”

How to Tell Someone You Are Sensitive to Their Fragrance

By Juanita Ecker

My husband and I have recently become good friends with a couple whom we met through Joe’s golf outings. The four of us enjoy going out to dinner, but at first I struggled with one issue: fragrance.

The first time we all went out, the wife wore perfume. I noticed it right away as I am scent-sensitive—perfumes, colognes, and other products with a strong smell bother me. When we left to go to dinner, the men sat in the front of the car while the women were in the back seat. 

Sitting side by side, I was overwhelmed by the smell of her perfume! It’s not that it was an unpleasant smell—it was very pretty. Still, I am very sensitive to chemicals and it was uncomfortable, like being around a smoker if you don’t smoke. Even so, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to offend her. Plus, it was the first time we had met, and I didn’t want to make a bad first impression.

The second and third time we went out to dinner, I was in the exact same position. I began to react to her perfume. My nose ran, I got a headache, and I had a chemical taste in my mouth. I needed to tell her of my predicament!

Making Introductions Shows Business Savvy

By Juanita Ecker

A few weeks ago I attended the Color the Arts Festival in downtown Columbia, SC, a fundraiser for the arts in the local communities. It was a lovely event held in an outdoor courtyard. Local artists could feature artwork for sale and there was a silent auction to raise money for the cause.

As my husband and I were mingling amongst the crowd, I spotted Hannah Horne, a reporter and anchor for WIS TV, NBC’s local affiliate. I watch Hannah and the morning team every day and I wanted to meet her in person. My husband and I went over to say hello and introduced ourselves, mentioning that we were new to South Carolina. She shook our hands and said, “Nice to meet you.” We chatted for a few minutes and another couple came along to join the group. They said hello to Hannah and introduced themselves. Then, to my surprise and delight, Hannah turned to this couple and said, “Have you met Joe and Juanita Ecker?” Wow, what a classy lady! Not only did she remember our names, she took the initiative to make the introductions.

Individuals who introduce others are viewed as people with good business savvy skills—“connectors,” if you will. In the business etiquette seminars that I teach, I always emphasize the proper way to introduce others. It seems like a simple gesture, yet people don’t do it as often as they should.

Be Nice When Someone Admits a Mistake

By Juanita Ecker

My girlfriend shared with me an incident that happened to her recently. She was running some errands and stopped at Bed, Bath and Beyond in Albany, NY. It was a cold, blustery day and the wind was strong. When my friend opened her car door to go into the store, the wind whipped the door and slammed it into the car next to her. The car happened to be a Mercedes.

My friend also drives a very nice car; it is certainly not a junker! She wondered if she should leave a note with her information, or if she should go back into the store to track down the owner of the Mercedes. She decided to do the latter and asked customer service to make an announcement asking for the owner of that make of car and that license plate number to come to the front of the store.

My friend patiently waited while they paged this person. When a woman arrived at the front of the store, my friend explained what happened and that it was an accident. The woman went crazy. “F—! YOU hit my Mercedes? F—! I can’t believe it,” she hollered. She then snidely asked, “Do you have insurance???”

My friend was furious with this woman’s behavior. My friend replied, “Look, I could have just driven away and you would have discovered the dent yourself!” She had tried to do the right thing by admitting her mistake, but the woman’s reaction almost made her regret doing so.

Translator Etiquette: A Lesson From the Green Jacket Ceremony at the Masters

By Juanita Ecker

My husband and I were glued to the television set on Sunday, the last day of the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, GA. What an exciting game that was!

When it was time for the “presenting of the green jacket” ceremony, three players were present:  the student amateur, Mr. Hideki Matsuyama; last year’s winner, Phil Mickelson; and this year’s winner, Charl Schwartzel. Because Mr. Matsuyama is from Japan, there was an interpreter present to translate what was being said. Jim Nantz, a sportscaster known primarily for his work with CBS Sports, was also present for the ceremony. When Nantz was interacting with Mr. Matsuyama, he made a small etiquette error. When you deal with an interpreter, you speak to the person, not the interpreter. Jim Nantz said to the interpreter, “Tell Mr. Matsuyama we were happy to have him be part of this year’s Masters Golf Tournament.” Instead, he should have looked Mr. Matsuyama in the eye, addressed him by name, and said what he wanted to say. Then, the interpreter would have translated his words as well as the response from Mr. Matsuyama.

When you are dealing with a translator, it’s easy to want to look at the person who speaks English and treat the other person as just a bystander. But the translator, for all his or her hard work, is not the one you need to impress. Therefore it’s important that our words as well as our body language are focused on the individual you are speaking with.

Respecting Others in a Movie Theater

By Juanita Ecker

I used to love going to the movies. Now, I feel like I’m lucky to get through the opening credits without a cellphone going off or having the back of my seat kicked. And then there are those people who decide to talk over the movie, explaining plot lines to each other and making it impossible for the rest of the theater-goers to follow the action. It’s so distracting! Sometimes I wonder if I should skip the hassle and just rent the movie when it comes out on DVD so my husband and I can watch it at home without the aggravation.

To keep the peace, be mindful of these cinema etiquette pointers.

Show up on time. Don’t wait until the lights have gone down to find a seat. Not only does it interrupt the movie, but it means trampling over the poor audience members who actually bothered to show up on time. And for the sake of others (and yourself—why miss a key scene?), go to the bathroom before you take your seat so you don’t have to get up later.

Snack quietly. It’s one thing to munch on crunchy popcorn during the film. It’s another to bust out a four-course meal that you smuggled into your purse. I also find it distracting when people wait until the film has started to open up plastic-wrapped boxes of candy, which are particularly loud. Unwrap them before the show. Also, take care to avoid spills.

What Bad Sportsmanship Says About You

By Juanita Ecker

A few weeks ago, Tiger Woods spit on the green and was fined $100,000 for bad sportsmanship. Suppose you got fined at work every time you were rude or disrespectful to others. Would you act differently? Would you think twice about your behavior?

When someone makes an etiquette breach at the office, they aren’t benched or issued a heavy fine. They may get a warning from HR, but more than likely it will merit only a so-called passive aggressive note directed at the entire office. Of course, some of this behavior is so irritating to the rest of us that we may wish the offender would get fined or dismissed in some workplace penalty box.

When I conduct business seminars in the corporate world, I’m often privy to the complaints that employees have about their workplace and fellow co-workers. Stolen lunches, disruptive phone calls, poor bathroom etiquette… it may sound petty, but it all stacks up. If you consider how much time we all spend in the office, the slightest nuisance or sign of disrespect can be amplified into a major issue.  

So what actions really get under people’s skin? According to the employees I’ve spoken with, these are some of the most common complaints.

-Taking someone’s food or lunch out of the communal refrigerator. A friend shared with me that someone took her lunch. When she walked around the office, she found a co-worker eating the lunch she had packed that day. Furious, she told this person that since he had taken her lunch he should give her money to buy a replacement meal. The culprit refused. 

-Taking a stapler off of someone’s desk when they are not there and forgetting to return it.  

-Clipping your fingernails at your desk and letting the trimmings fly all over.

-Putting a call on speakerphone when everyone else is trying to work.

Look People in the Eye to Build Rapport

By Juanita Ecker

When I go through the checkout line at a major grocery store in Troy, New York, the cashier will hand me my money and say, “Have a nice day.” The gesture is meaningless. It’s simply an automatic reflex. The cashier doesn’t look me in the eye, smile, or convey any kind of warmth in the transaction. You can tell he or she is just going through the motions of what they have been told to do.

Contrast that situation with this one. There is a Walgreens Drugstore in Lexington, South Carolina that I love to frequent. There is a woman at the register who has a twinkle in her eye and a smile in her heart. Whenever I make a purchase, she hands me my receipt and makes genuine eye contact with me. With a big smile on her face, she says, “Thank you for shopping at Walgreens, come back and see us.” She makes me feel special. Because this woman takes a few moments to acknowledge me, I want to shop at Walgreens whenever I need something they carry. 

That’s the kind of attitude that draws business. Many people would rather spend time at the local greasy spoon diner with friendly, chatty servers than a four-star restaurant with haughty waiters. Our market is flooded with choice, and it’s little differences like these that can sway our vote (and business) as consumers.