Learn to Say “No” Nicely

By Juanita Ecker

I conducted a dining etiquette session for a private university last year. They were very pleased with the program that I gave to the students, and the contact person told me he was definitely interested in having me back for 2010. When it came time to follow up with him, I sent an e-mail and never heard back. A few days went by and I left a voice message. He never responded. Another week went by and I left a third message. Still no response! Instead of e-mailing me back and telling me why they weren’t doing the program this year (budget cuts, etc.) or that they were using another vendor instead, the contact person did absolutely nothing. Simply ignoring my communications is not very polite and shows me that this person is not very respectful towards others.

I find this tactic very common. People assume if I just “ignore that person” who is contacting me, they will go away. Instead, if you want to be viewed as someone who is a polished professional, learn how to say “no” in a tactful and diplomatic way. Read on for some pointers.

Be honest if you need more time. If you are not ready to make a decision or do not immediately have an answer for someone, let them know that. It’s fine to say, “We are still reviewing our plans for this year” or “Can you follow up with us in a month?” That way the person knows you got their e-mail and have at least considered the pitch, and it is now up to them to follow up.

Don’t waste time. If the answer if a definite “no,” respond as soon as possible. Don’t leave a person hanging. This way they can move on to other opportunities. Be constructive. For your own sake you’ll want to be firm when saying “no,” but you can sugarcoat it with a helpful explanation as to why you’re turning the offer down. For example, rather than saying “no” and leaving it at that, say, “We’d love to help but unfortunately this isn’t in our budget.” Or, “We’re focusing on other programs that are more in line with our goals at this time.” This is so much more helpful than a vague “Sorry, but we can’t help you.”

Don’t burn the bridge. Even if you can’t help this time, leave things on a friendly note by saying, “Please keep us in mind next time,” or something along those lines. Don’t offer false hope, but do keep the door open. You always want to maintain friendly relations in case the shoe is on the other foot and you need help one day. You should also thank them for their interest or offer.

Remember your responsibility. If all else fails, remember that turning down pitches is part of your job. Essentially, you are getting paid to say “no.” Typically when there is no response a person will try other contacts within your company, including your boss. If that happens, he or she will wonder why you didn’t handle this in the first place.

True professionals don’t rely on the silent treatment to get through their work. For better or worse, rejection is a part of life, and people will appreciate you more if you respond to them, even if the answer is “no.” It’s just common courtesy!

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Tags: business, careers, Communication, corporate trainer, diplomacy, etiquette, etiquette expert, image, image consultant, image expert, image training, juanita ecker, leadership, leadership development, professional image management, rejection, saying no